Noah and motherhood at 6 months

This update is a little late but I can hardly believe Noah has been with us for half a year already! It seems to have gone by in the blink of an eye. Last Thanksgiving we were sharing the news with friends and family that we were expecting and here we are this year as a family of 5. It's hard to remember life before him.

At 6 months, Noah is:
- Nearly 18 pounds and eating solids! We started him on brown rice cereal at 5 months but it just wasn't sitting well and then he flat out refused to eat it. Our doctor suggested we try oatmeal instead (we started big brother N on oatmeal). Noah loved his oatmeal and has since tried sweet potato and squash. We're going to keep the train moving with introducing new veggies every 2-3 days from this point forward.
- Still nursing but can get pretty distracted. I still come home from work at lunch and even though he isn't eating a ton when I do, he is still happy to see me and to nurse. I think it is definitely helping to keep up my supply and I don't feel ready to stop yet. It feels pretty special getting to see my two littlest guys even for 25 minutes mid-day. It has also been nice not having to pack a lunch.
- Sitting! Around 6 months, he started being able to sit on his own for a few seconds here and there when he was occupied with something in front of him. He can now sit and play with toys for a bit longer periods without toppling over or getting fussy. He still loves to jump in the jolly jumper and to go in his exersaucer. He loves touching, grabbing, and holding just about everything.
- A mega drooler. I keep expecting to see a tooth any day but both of his brothers were late to get teeth so they could not show up for a while. He constantly has his right hand in his mouth sucking his fist. I've been trying to get him to use a teething toy since his little hand is getting a rash from all the sucking.
- Back to sleeping for about 10-12 hours at night. We put him down around the same time as his brothers at 7pm. Then I wake him to nurse before I go to bed around 10pm and he'll sleep until about 6am.

This boy!

Couldn't contain his excitement his first time having veggies - banged his tray excitedly between bites

I'm finally feeling 100% like my old self physically and mentally. Physically, I actually feel stronger than I have since before having kids. Skating for just an hour and a half once a week has made a big difference in how I feel.  I still cringe when things touch my abdomen but not because it hurts, just because it still seems tender or extra sensitive to touch. Sleeping through the night I think has been a huge factor in why this time around I'm feeling much happier and am able to cope with stressful situations. I also think having a job I love, feeling secure financially, and rather than giving up the things I enjoy doing, actually making the time to do them (like skating and volunteering) has made the work/life/family balance and settling into life as a family of five much easier than each of the last times we expanded our family.

Recently, I bit the bullet and spent just under $300 at the used clothing store and mall. I bought mostly active wear and business attire, and a pair of black pumps for work. Up until this point, I was wearing many of the pieces I'd bought pre-kids along with a few I had bought in between pregnancies. Most of my wardrobe in general is well-worn and I haven't been feeling particularly attractive in my clothes lately since my body went through so many changes with all 3 pregnancies and I wore the same clothes while nursing and through about half of my pregnancies so they are stretched in some places and don't fit the nicest. Eventually I hope to replace most of my wardrobe but at this point I'm still nursing so I'm going to try to make due for now with my few new pieces. I hate looking or feeling frumpy!

On work/family balance and leaning in

Because baby update posts can get a little tiring...

Two of my truths these days:

I love my kids.
I miss work.

Recently I picked up two books from the library: Lean in: women, work, and the will to lead by Sheryl Sandberg and Overwhelmed: work, love, and play when no one has the time by Brigid Schulte. Note: when I'm looking for books I might like I always look at the "frequently purchased together" titles on Amazon.

Over the last year and a half, I feel like I finally achieved a decent work/family/life balance. It hasn't always been perfect but we definitely settled into a good routine. R and I have also grown in to better partners in shared parenting and housekeeping. With a third baby on the way I became even more interested in work/life balance and wondered about the challenges of adding just one more child to the mix with their own needs and demands. I feel like the odds are especially stacked against you if you have a "big" family as you are seen as tipping the scale toward trading off career for family life.

I really enjoyed Sandberg's book. I finished this book cover to cover in two days. The book focused a lot on her personal journey and experiences. A lot of her thoughts reinforced my own beliefs about shared parenting, etc. Her book is career-oriented and offers a prescription of dos and donts for building a successful career and balancing family life.  She highlights many ways that women unintentionally hold themselves back in the workforce. Some of these were eye openers and I recognized having played into them myself. A job recently came up that I had hummed and hawed about applying for since baby N was just born but I've decided to apply anyway. If I get an interview I can always try to negotiate a later starting date and work from there rather than not applying and possibly missing out on an opportunity.

The academic in me also enjoyed the research-heavy Schulte book, though I had a hard time getting through the first part on Work before more or less breezing through the parts on Love and Play. Schulte's book is all about how women (and even some men) feel overwhelmed with work/life responsibilities. In the Appendix at the end, she provides a good summary of all of the key takeaways from each of the areas of work, love, and play. Some of the things that stuck with me from this book are:

- Busyness is a choice. It is not a brag or an excuse. By saying you're busy you're actually saying I'm choosing something else.
- Women are super multi-taskers. But multi-tasking often leaves many loose ends rather than focusing productively on completing one task. Compartmentalize.
- Learn to embrace "good enough" and stop "maternal gatekeeping". Let others help and let them do it in their own way. You don't need to serve up a 3-course meal to have visitors. Keep it simple.
- Choose to be intentional. If you can't do everything with your kids, do the ones that matter most to them. In all likeliness they don't care who drops them off at soccer practice.
- The to-do list will always be never ending. Choose to do one extra thing each day. Park the items on a list - they'll still be there tomorrow.
- Make time to play.

Read any good books or blog posts on work/life balance lately?

Breakfasts and breakfast dinners

In our house sometimes we have breakfast food for breakfast and sometimes we have breakfast food for dinner. Sometimes even for lunch.

Some time ago.. I used to be pretty high strung and particular. I let a lot of little silly things bother me like when my stuff broke or things didn't go my way. I'd dwell on it. After the first baby came along, I found my attitude dramatically changed. At first, I was very into instructing DH on the particulars of how to care for the baby. We'd both get frustrated. I'd commiserate with friends of mine who were just like me.  They would declare that their husbands too weren't hard wired the same for looking after the house or kids and just couldn't do things the way they did it. I started to notice a pattern after a bit. While I was still having the same arguments with my own husband, complaints from others dwindled. My friends had thrown in the towel and decided to just take on all the "work" themselves. I had to make one of two decisions.. follow suit and stop complaining or just stop complaining.

I opted for the second choice. No way did I want to have to cook the meals every night just because DH isn't as creative as I am in the meal department or do all the laundry because I think that I fold more neatly. Nor did I want to have to put the toddler and the baby to bed just because the toddler liked my bedtime routine of 2 books better than DH's 1 book (he's not a reader). It was taking so much effort to micromanage that I was miserable even when the tasks were getting done in the way I wanted them to. I was resentful that I was doing the majority of the "work" while DH got to have "fun" with the kids. I don't love cleaning.  I don't love doing everyones laundry on my weekends off. And I don't particularly like coming home to hungry kids after work and starting dinner late just because I like the way I make a meal. So... I let DH do half of it and I don't complain if we have to eat grilled cheese and pizza because it is his night to cook or the laundry isn't perfectly folded. I just shut up because at least I didn't have to do it and in the end, everyone is happy, healthy, and safe. Bonus: my new motherhood "meh!" attitude has meant that I no longer have many complaints at all when the girls complain about the tolls of being an overworked mother and wife. DH and I split most of the household tasks pretty evenly these days (lately he has been doing more with the house and the kids because of my schoolwork) but only because I let him do things and don't complain about it.

Also, being more easygoing has meant that I tend to see the humour or the bright side of things a lot more. Imagine my surprise the other night when I mentioned I wasn't feeling well and DH offered to pick up groceries if I gave him the list. I was so happy with a) the offer and b) when he told me that he had picked everything up on the list and then some for less than the budget I given him. Of course letting go a little bit means that on a Sunday night when you're preparing the ingredients for quiche and realize that you don't have pie shells because it turns out DH didn't get EVERYTHING on the list then you might need to get a little more creative. We just made loaded scrambled eggs and grilled cheese with bacon and avocado instead. The boys probably liked it better than the quiche anyway.

 After going through a big phase of decluttering and getting rid of unnecessary small kitchen appliances, I was a bit disheartened to end up with a waffle maker in our family Christmas swap. But you know the old saying, if life hands you lemons make lemonade. Life handed us a waffle maker so waffles we made. This particular waffle maker came with sticks so you could make waffle sticks for dipping (pictured above). It wasn't too much of a pain to clean and I just used the store bought Presidents Choice Organic Pancake Mix. Looks like a much healthier alternative to the store bought freezer waffles the boys have been eating lately. I could even make a double batch on weekends and freeze the waffles to make our very own toaster waffles.

Uncertainty

I did a Google image search for uncertainty and came up with this photo. I'm finding it hard to enjoy uncertainty lately. I've been very fortunate to have some pretty great opportunities no thanks to a wonderfully supportive husband and family. For example, I was able to stay at home with the boys, go back to school for a Masters (I am always in my element when I'm working toward something and learning new things), take jobs that are meaningful and that I enjoy and not have to worry that they don't pay extremely well. Make no mistake... these came with financial sacrifices and relationship quabbles at times.

I've come to realize that I am happiest being a working mom. I am also happiest when we aren't restricted to a tight budget and I feel good when I am contributing financially to the household. I think I've mentioned before that DH's income can fluctuate depending on a number of factors like the weather and work paces (sometimes it is just slow). We're never really in trouble but there have been times where we've been uncomfortably tight for money. On the flip side, there have also been periods of time where he has worked a lot of overtime and his usual pay has increased by 50-75%. For the most part, it is steady but there are ups and downs. It can be stressful.

I love the position I'm in right now but it is a contract and will finish in two and a half weeks. Consequently I've been working on the stressful task of job hunting. The only unfortunate part - aside from being a contract - about my current position is the commute into Toronto which ends up being about 90 minutes each way with transit and walking. This has narrowed my job search considerably to only jobs in and around where we live (20-30 minute commute would be reasonable) which makes my job search even harder. I've always said that I didn't want to just take any old job to pay the bills but I think I'm at a point where I'm craving something permanent with paid vacation (!) and sadly, most of the jobs in my field right now are contract. I've been doing contract work intermittently between having babies for 5 years and I'm ready for a little stability and luckily I'm at the point where I have the 1-3 years of experience which is the minimum most employers are looking for. So - my short term goal is to find full-time permanant employment utilizing some of my skills such as communications, research, and report writing, bonus if it is in my field or something remotely related. This will give me some stability and then I can keep my eye out for full-time permanent positions close to home in my field. A bird in the hand is better than two in the bush, right. I do have a few leads.. one from a prospective employer who interviewed me in the Spring for a position which I did not get and contacted me this morning to let me know that another job had come up and that she was wondering if I'd like to interview for it. Fingers crossed for some good news in the coming weeks.

Committing to maintaining relationships.

Being in school and having various volunteer commitments makes me sometimes rather busy. R also works a lot of overtime, taking it when he can get it since it is never a sure thing. Often my activities take place in the evenings. This means that R and I do a trade off with the kids. Some days we see very little of eachother.  It can be hard with our busyish lifestyle to stop and consciously make time to do things all together as a family but it is something that I think is so so important. Same goes for the other important relationships. Couple time is also important since our marriage is the foundation of our family. Although I do think that the family should always be a first priority. Friends are also invaluable and it is incredibly important to make time and nurture these relationships as they can fade to a degree when put on the back burner.

I’ve been trying to put in place some measures to ensure that I am making a commitment to maintain ALL, not just some of the relationships in my life. I think a lot of onus is on the woman in the household to “keep the family together”. Not saying it is warranted… but the pressure is still there none-the-less. Here is what has been working for me.

Family

This past weekend we went out for an hour around the block. B on his battery powered ATV (a kijiji find!), me on my rollerblades, R on the bike and N in tow in the bicycle trailer. It was good fun. At least once on a weekend we try to do something all together. We also make an effort to be home more nights/week than out. This means no more than 3 nights out in a week (cumulatively for everyone). I think I will keep this balance in mind when the boys get a little older and want to do activities in the evenings. This may mean that as our family gets busier I will have to cut back personally on my evening commitments. I am okay with this.  

Wife

At least one night/week R and I try to watch a movie after the kids go to bed (sometimes we have to cut it short since we tend to get tired). We also text throughout the day and hug and kiss hello and goodbye. Once a month, we try to get out for a date night.

Friend

I love my friends. God forbid something were to happen to my family, I know I would still have a family of friends. One of my very best friends lives in Edmonton now. I try to skype with her or call her once every week or two. One of my other best friends has kids and so we try to get together for play dates to catch up. I also enjoy getting out with my other kidless friends for a nice dinner or to go to an event. Recently I went to dinner in Toronto with 2 of my good girlfriends from university. It is sometimes nice to not always be talking about the kids (since they don’t have any to talk about) and to do adult things. I try to get out with friends sans kiddos at least once/month. I also love Facebook since I can keep updated and in communication with friends that I don’t get to see as often.

What do others do to maintain the important relationships in their life?

Finding an equitable balance in the home

Man does this post from Feeding the Soil ever resonate with me. Finding an equitable balance in the home sure is tough, especially when one person is "working" in the home. In my particular situation, I have found the hubby is much more willing to take on a larger share of the domestic tasks when I am not at home 100% of the time. I have also learned that in order for me to avoid feelings of resentment towards domestic tasks/child rearing, I need to spend some time "working" - or in my case doing coursework - outside the home.

This is a topic that I'm always curious to hear about how others divide the tasks in their households. Do other women find that they end up doing the lion's share of the domestic chores as well as raising the children as SAHMs? Does being a SAHM mean working around the clock and always being on call for nighttime feedings, pee accidents, and middle of the night sickness episodes?

When DH and I got married we had to take a preparation course in order to get married in the church. We learned that the #1 cause of all fights in the household in marriages is over the division of household tasks. In this day and age where household roles are not so cut and dry along gender lines, running a household sure is complicated.

Routine

Could it be? Could we be finally settling into a ROUTINE?

Ever since N was born, things in the way of routine have been a little outta whack...especially in the way of naps.

B is getting to the age where he can manage (sometimes) without a nap but then other times - like when we have exciting places to go such as..oh to see the Lion King 3D - he needs a nap.

N has never been much of a long napper or a napper at all. He's always way too interested in what his brother is doing. So much so that I sometimes have to ask B to leave the room while I'm feeding N.

WELL. I have perhaps found the solution to both dilemmas:

A short one hour nap in the afternoon takes the grumpies away from B and he still goes to bed easily at night by 8pm.

Two crib naps for N does the trick for him which has led to longer nighttime sleeps! He is so good for me these days allowing me to lay him in the crib awake and he happily rolls over himself and goes to sleep without protest.

Finding a routine that works for both children has been a real challenge since they both have such different needs. I constantly find it to be a balancing act to figure out what is in the best interest of each child individually, as well as for the family collectively. Also, sometimes all B needs is a little one on one time. He loves riding his bike with training wheels alongside dad on the rollerblades. He was also tickled that I took him out to see his first movie at the theatre on Friday. Another one of his favourites..sitting by the fire in the backyard with mom and dad and roasting marshmallows after little brother has gone to bed.

Nursing and "working"

So - I've returned back to my graduate studies program with nearly a full-time course load. N is 4 months old.

I'll give a bit of a brief history for me as this is my second time around being a somewhat "working mom" while nursing. B was the same age as N when I resumed my coursework after he was born. That being said... B did not need to have formula much at all until he stopped nursing when he was around 8 months old. With him I was only gone for two 5 hour time slots/week. Also, with B being a preemie we invested in a super duper double electric pump - the Medela - which I HIGHLY recommend to any moms that need to pump a lot or that have preemies that are not able to latch on effectively for the first while.

This past week was my first go at it and I hadn't yet gotten out the hand pump (Avent) I borrowed from a girlfriend so it was a couple of somewhat uncomfortable days followed by a slight dwindling of my supply. Also... N seems to pound back the milk I pump when it comes in a bottle so both days he motored on through all the milk I left (even my frozen supply). Since I feed on demand, it is hard for me to pump out large quantities. Consequently we were forced to supplement since I just wasn't producing enough when I pumped to meet his needs while I was away. With my own allergies, I didn't want to take any chances so we settled on a soy-based formula which doesn't seem to give him stomach troubles. He also started on rice cereal - just as his brother did when he was the same age.

I really wanted to hold back on starting his solids since B has so many allergies and I do as well. But when given the choice of a formula feeding or rice cereal I feel a little more comfortable with the cereal option. I just don't understand why there are so many fillers in baby formula. A girlfriend of mine weaned her daughter onto goat whey - when she was closer to a year though. I'm going to have to do a little more research on this one.

In the mean time... I have gotten the hand pump and cooler pack out for this week. I'll just have to find a quiet corner of the bathroom on my short breaks to keep the supply going!