On work/family balance and leaning in

Because baby update posts can get a little tiring...

Two of my truths these days:

I love my kids.
I miss work.

Recently I picked up two books from the library: Lean in: women, work, and the will to lead by Sheryl Sandberg and Overwhelmed: work, love, and play when no one has the time by Brigid Schulte. Note: when I'm looking for books I might like I always look at the "frequently purchased together" titles on Amazon.

Over the last year and a half, I feel like I finally achieved a decent work/family/life balance. It hasn't always been perfect but we definitely settled into a good routine. R and I have also grown in to better partners in shared parenting and housekeeping. With a third baby on the way I became even more interested in work/life balance and wondered about the challenges of adding just one more child to the mix with their own needs and demands. I feel like the odds are especially stacked against you if you have a "big" family as you are seen as tipping the scale toward trading off career for family life.

I really enjoyed Sandberg's book. I finished this book cover to cover in two days. The book focused a lot on her personal journey and experiences. A lot of her thoughts reinforced my own beliefs about shared parenting, etc. Her book is career-oriented and offers a prescription of dos and donts for building a successful career and balancing family life.  She highlights many ways that women unintentionally hold themselves back in the workforce. Some of these were eye openers and I recognized having played into them myself. A job recently came up that I had hummed and hawed about applying for since baby N was just born but I've decided to apply anyway. If I get an interview I can always try to negotiate a later starting date and work from there rather than not applying and possibly missing out on an opportunity.

The academic in me also enjoyed the research-heavy Schulte book, though I had a hard time getting through the first part on Work before more or less breezing through the parts on Love and Play. Schulte's book is all about how women (and even some men) feel overwhelmed with work/life responsibilities. In the Appendix at the end, she provides a good summary of all of the key takeaways from each of the areas of work, love, and play. Some of the things that stuck with me from this book are:

- Busyness is a choice. It is not a brag or an excuse. By saying you're busy you're actually saying I'm choosing something else.
- Women are super multi-taskers. But multi-tasking often leaves many loose ends rather than focusing productively on completing one task. Compartmentalize.
- Learn to embrace "good enough" and stop "maternal gatekeeping". Let others help and let them do it in their own way. You don't need to serve up a 3-course meal to have visitors. Keep it simple.
- Choose to be intentional. If you can't do everything with your kids, do the ones that matter most to them. In all likeliness they don't care who drops them off at soccer practice.
- The to-do list will always be never ending. Choose to do one extra thing each day. Park the items on a list - they'll still be there tomorrow.
- Make time to play.

Read any good books or blog posts on work/life balance lately?

On my desk: Happier at Home

After finishing up my Masters I've been yearning to read for pleasure - though I actually get great pleasure from reading academic articles. Maybe a topic switch was more in order. I've been reading this book on my breaks and lunch at my desk at work. I enjoyed the Happiness Project so much and since one of my resolutions this year was to make my house a home this seemed like the perfect fit when I saw it on display at the library. It also happens to be in large print which is good for me since my eyes are getting worse by the day and I haven't been able to find the time to get to my optometrist for an appointment to get a new prescription.

Book Review: MWF Seeking BFF

After reading Kelsey’s review of MWF Seeking BFF by Rachel Bertsche, I jumped on the bandwagon, and checked it out from my local library. I haven’t read for pleasure in a few months and it felt good. It was very much along the lines of one of my other favourite reads this year; Gretchen Rubin’s the Happiness Project .

Parts of this book made me laugh – sometimes really hard - but mostly I felt I could relate to a lot of what the author was writing and I loved the tidbits of research interwoven with the story-telling because I'm nerdy like that. Unlike Bertsche, I am not new to my city. I have spent most of my life in this area. But I am in a different life phase from many of my childhood, teenage, university, and post-graduate friends since I am married with two kids.  Consequently, while I have remained close with some friends, I have understandably drifted apart from others.

Some of my takeaways from this book:

Friendships take a lot of time and this I already knew. Follow-up is a key part of being a good friend and maintaining friendships. 

Interestingly, I wrote on maintaining relationships with family and friends earlier this year. However, I’ve been working so hard on maintaining relationships with my childless friends, since we lack the common experience of family life to draw us together, that I have not focused as much attention on fostering new friendships or maintaining friendships with people who have children. I need to do more of this! Most of my mommy friends are mainly bloggy online friends or those who I tend to keep in touch with online rather than in the flesh. The bonus to maintaining and building on these relationships is that my children are welcome accompaniments to get togethers. Being a busy working mom, meetings that satisfy multiple purposes with friends/family/children are most welcome since I have less time overall to spend with family and friends.

I should stop trying to nag encourage my husband to seek out new friends. He likely has enough friends already and doesn’t need the face-to-face kind of friendships I do as a woman, but rather the side-to-side activity buddy type. He works all day along-side guys he has come to think of as friends. He even travels to and from work with some of these guys. When he does do things with friends outside of work, the plans usually revolve around an activity like golfing, wakeboarding, or playdates – yes, I am slightly embarrassed to say that in the past year my husband has arranged more playdates with his friends and their kids than I have. Just more proof that I have to up the ante in that area! 

Book: The Happiness Project

Photo Source (also a great book review!)

So to start my new year off I picked up a copy of the Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin (yay for reading for pleasure!) I had seen it in Chapters while doing my Christmas shopping and stopped to take a glance. I was tempted to buy the book for myself but in remembering my goals - making smart consumer choices and sticking to the budget - I opted to try the library. This was a serious achievement for me since when I want something, I usually don't want to wait for it. I have found that waiting to see whether I still want something after a week or a month is a good test for me. Thankfully, I didn't have to wait long since apparently others seem to be enjoying this book as much as I have and aren't keeping it for the allowed 3 weeks.

A little over halfway through, I am thoroughly enjoying this read and learning a lot about happiness. Gretchen comes at happiness from the point of someone who although isn't unhappy or facing a life crisis, feels that she is taking many things for granted in everyday life, so she focuses for a year on trying to live a happier life. Monthly topics she tackles are: Vitality, Marriage, Work, Parenthood, Leisure, Friendship, Money, Eternity, Passion, Mindfulness, Attitude, and finally Happiness (a culmination of her learnings from all topics).

At one point in the book Gretchen starts a one line journal and a gratitude log. She ultimately gives up the gratitude journal as it starts to become more of a chore for her than a source of happiness. In my goals for 2012 I decided I wanted to be more thankful for the little things in life and therefore decided I would write them down. I also decided that I would keep track of the things I do daily for myself. I have started jotting things down daily in my Moleskine pocket notebook - however, it has been more of a 50 word max highlights of my day journal entry than specifically gratuitous points or things I have done solely for myself. Although when I look back, I can often see one or two things I have done each day for myself (reading for pleasure; actually taking the time to wipe down my kitchen cupboards and baseboards)  and things that made me truly happy (N's giggles; teaching B how to skate) and for all those - and yes they happen to be little for the most part, I am grateful.

I'd love to hear others thoughts on this book!

And then there were four...

We're finally settling in to a nice rhythm here at home...I've been slowly getting the hang of the two kid thing..R has been working a lot but enjoying cuddles with both boys when he gets home.

Big brother is loving soccer and t-ball

Little brother is becoming more and more alert every day

We've been librarying a lot these days since it has been raining so much. A few of the books on our shelf are:

Blueberries for Sal - Robert McCloskey

Each Peach Pear Plum - J & A Ahlberg

Tell Me the Day Backwards - Albert Lamb

Make Way for Ducklings - Robert McCloskey

Spring is Here - Lois Lenski

Five Senses Friday

Tasting:

The warmth of cinnamon. Cinnamon Toast (G/F of course)..Pumpkin Spice Soy Lattes.. the list goes on.

:Hearing:IPod Audio Books from the library. I'm addicted. First Outliers by Malcom Gladwell and now Nurture Shock by... gosh I can't remember.

:Seeing:

Masses of students as I round up my first week of Grad School. Campus has been hectic to say the least. I guess this is what I get for deciding to go to one of the largest universities. I must say, the pace is a far cry from the relaxed one I remember at my much MUCH smaller undergrad university.

:Smelling:

Peppermint and Eucalyptus. I've been on a bit of a peppermint tea binge as of late and well. I use eucalyptus essential oil in all my laundry detergent and cleaning products. I love the smell of it in my bed linens.

:Feeling:

Cold - we've been going through a bit of a cool weather spurt this week. Need to start pulling the warm socks and sweaters out :)

Latest Food Discoveries and Good Reads

I must say this elimination diet was not the most enjoyable past couple months for the taste buds.

Some things I learned about myself:

Avoids:
- Peanuts (gassy, headaches, and mouth dryness)
- Dairy in all forms (mucous, stuffy nose, phlegm)
- Corn (significant eczema flair ups)
- Tomato (significant eczema flair ups)

I'm sure this list will keep growing..

Some good grocery discoveries:

• Red Raspberry Spritzer - so delicious and refreshing
• Lara Bars (Apple) - somewhat calorie dense and flavourful and virtually allergen free - vegan, GF, soy free etc.
• Spelt Pasta
• Silk French Vanilla Creamer

In other news, I've been DEVOURING books from the library by my work lately. In the past returning books on time has been a huge problem for me. Now with working so close and recieving e-mail notifications a couple days in advance I've only managed to have $1.50 in fines and they were on purpose - I was trying to finish a book because I couldn't renew it.

Latest good reads,

"You are Your Child's First Teacher" by Rahima Baldwin Dancy - great great parenting resource
"Living Simply With Children" by Marie Sherlock - also wonderful
"Geography of Hope" by Chris Turner - I saw this author give a talk at a work conference in Toronto I attended. He was absolutely amazing and inspiring. His book is sensational.

New Moon, New Start

Since being sick all week has left me bored and in bed I decided to pick up my half read New Moon book from the Twilight Saga. Brendan has been staying with my sister this week so he doesn't catch the flu. In my eyes avoidance is a far better precaution than vaccinating with a questionable vaccine.

I started reading New Moon months ago only to become uninterested and put it down. It seemed like perfect timing to start reading it again right before the new movie comes out this month. Although I thought the first book was wayyy better than the movie. I think the movie coming out sometime mid-month might just out do this book - or I hope so anyway.

In other exciting news.. I have decided this year we will make the most out of our health benefits. Ryan's plan covers massage and naturopath doctors so I will be going to both! Since having Brendan 18 months ago I haven't quite felt 100%. I don't know if it is from the new stress of being a parent or changed eating habits (I never felt healthier than when I was pregnant and eating very well, taking vitamins, getting appropriate amounts of exercise). Once Brendan was born I felt like I didn't have the time to eat healthy the way I had while pregnant. I would just scarf down anything quickly while he was napping for 20 mins - truth be told I probably lived off grilled cheese for the first 3 months. Now he is starting into that picky kid food stage where he prefers finger foods like grilled cheese or fish sticks which has made it even harder on me to eat well. I don't know if I've mentioned it before but I breast-fed Brendan solid for 8 months. During that time I lost all of my pregnancy weight gain and then some. When I was pregnant I only gained 25 lbs. Brendan was a month early. I haven't been able to gain any weight back. Surprisingly.. because the way I've been eating has been a far cry from healthy and balanced. I have been eating way more meat which I am not happy about and I really do notice a big decline in the way I feel but I have needed the extra iron in quick doses. I'm hoping the naturopathic doctor can help me to get back on track so that when we are expecting baby #2 I am in great shape nutrition and otherwise.

Books, Books and More Books

Recently I have become addicted to a book trading website - BookMooch!. This website allows users to trade books they no longer want for points. These points allow you to "mooch" books from other people. So far I have sent 2 books (one to Italy and one to the US) and it didn't cost me too much. I have already recieved the Time Traveller's Wife which I am so anxious to read and am waiting on another book for a Christmas gift. Whoever came up with this site was a genious! Now I just need to find the time to read them and get them back on my list to give so I can recieve some more good reads!

Brendan got a box full of kids books from his cousins. I have decided I will read every book in the box to him between now and Christmas. There have to be some that he likes. Right now he is far to busy to be interested in reading with me but I'm going to read them to him regardless, even if he just plays while I read. This morning I made and canned homemade applesauce from the apples Brendan and I picked a couple weeks ago. It felt really nice to get back to cooking and baking. We have been eating too much convenience food lately which has left me feeling less than healthy and energetic and my eczema rediculously worse. So my fall resolutions... back to the basics..more me time.. get organized for Christmas

Updates

Brendan is at his first day of daycare today :( I miss the little guy so much already. He seemed to like the other little boys and I'm sure he'll be fine and I'll enjoy the much needed time alone but he still seems so small.

Things have been pretty busy around these parts lately. Yesterday was my sister's birthday. We went over and had dinner with her. Here is a picture of my sister, my mom and I from last Easter (when I was pregnant with Brendan).

I am nearly done reading the book "Twilight". I decided that I had to read it due to all the hype over the book. I am still undecided on whether or not it has won me over. Regardless.. it has been nice to just sit and read for pleasure.

I ordered my seeds for my front porch container garden - unfortunately our yard will be nowhere near ready for a garden this year. I ordered from Johnny's. Dan from the Urban Veggie Garden Blog was particularly helpful in this aspect. I have no clue when it comes to importing seed from the US. I ordered three types of sunflower seeds (Buttercream, Firecracker and Strawberry Blond), tomato (Mariana and Green Zebra), cilantro, northern pickling cucumber, chamomile, calendula, and lavender (lady). I'm pretty excited!

In other news, our washing machine kicked the can. We got one load out of it. Couldn't it have atleast worked until I found a job???..I guess we will be buying a new washing machine very soon. I've been applying for jobs like crazy. I should really get back to it!