When parenting is tough..and you get help.

I don't quite know how to jot down all of these thoughts or whether anyone even reads what has really become more like a family journal of sorts rather than the earlier years of this blog where I posted more and on more varied topics. 

In my reflection on 2015, I wrote about how last year was more of a down year of us settling into life as a family of five. However, 2015 was a pivotal year in parenting for us.  

Peaceful isn't a word I'd use to describe most days in our house. We've raised our voices more than we'd like to admit, lacked patience, and consistency. Sometimes giving in seems worth it when you just can't muster the energy anymore and you have a particularly strong-willed child. Last year we started to get phone calls and notes home from school. We've always had challenges at home (more often than not, when I'm solo parenting) but until recently, they never flowed over into school or other settings. There were so many different things it is hard to even remember them all. Recess incidents, not following classroom instructions, being silly, acting out. "We'll talk to him", was our standard response. While we were looking to the school for suggestions or answers, they were looking to us. We didn't have them. 

We did what many parents are afraid to do for fear of labelling their child, or labelling themselves, we  looked for help. We got on a waiting list for behaviour counselling services. These services are free through our local social services department. While we waited, we attended some parenting workshops that were offered where we met many other parents who were just like us, facing the same sort of challenges, and some with children who have been diagnosed with developmental disabilities (our son has not been diagnosed as having a developmental disability). After 5 months, we had our first appointment with a specialist. She did not meet with our son but rather has supported us in our parenting by listening and providing us with tools and suggestions. I also started reading anything I could get my hands on about boys, education and parenting, from the library and online. More than 80% of our counsellor's caseload are parents of boys. 

Slowly we have been adjusting our parenting approaches and our expectations. We're learning that our number one priority is to set our son up for success and that means looking for opportunities where he can thrive and be successful based on his strengths, personality, etc.  We look for opportunities to catch him demonstrating good behaviours and to praise and acknowledge his efforts. We're signing him up for more activities (we previously tried to keep him less programmed with all the talk of over programming kids these days but he is a kid that needs more stimulation and some of the challenges were coming from boredom). Things at home have been much easier and far more positive lately and things have improved significantly at school. A lot of the things we've learned through this experience have been useful for parenting all of our sons. Our two older sons are very different in personalities, strengths, and interests (we're still watching our youngest grow into his personality each day). Prior to getting help, we had a singular parenting approach mindset. We wanted to be consistent with our approach for all of our children. We now know that our parenting approaches will be different for each child based on their unique needs and that is okay and that is what will work best for our family. 

I think in many ways, we've grown and begun to overcome our own insecurities about being judged for seeking help or around others thinking his actions are a reflection of our parenting or lack of parenting skills. In all other areas of life, some of the strategies I've learned in order to become successful have been to seek out help through lessons or mentors, to read up, and to keep on practicing. I felt much more at ease and confident having an infant the third time around than I did the first. Two big picture things have stuck with me from sessions with our counsellor: 1) Our son has a lot of really exceptional qualities 2) So many parents don't seek out help at all, especially if they don't have a diagnosis, or when they finally do seek help, it is much more difficult because they've waited so long. 

I'm really glad we decided to get help. We've become more open and honest around other parents and have found that we aren't alone. I'm also so fortunate for the advice of many of my colleagues at work who have boys similar in age and older and who have shared their stories, strategies, experiences, and knowingly sympathetic acknowledgements. We don't have to do it alone. 

Noah and motherhood at 6 months

This update is a little late but I can hardly believe Noah has been with us for half a year already! It seems to have gone by in the blink of an eye. Last Thanksgiving we were sharing the news with friends and family that we were expecting and here we are this year as a family of 5. It's hard to remember life before him.

At 6 months, Noah is:
- Nearly 18 pounds and eating solids! We started him on brown rice cereal at 5 months but it just wasn't sitting well and then he flat out refused to eat it. Our doctor suggested we try oatmeal instead (we started big brother N on oatmeal). Noah loved his oatmeal and has since tried sweet potato and squash. We're going to keep the train moving with introducing new veggies every 2-3 days from this point forward.
- Still nursing but can get pretty distracted. I still come home from work at lunch and even though he isn't eating a ton when I do, he is still happy to see me and to nurse. I think it is definitely helping to keep up my supply and I don't feel ready to stop yet. It feels pretty special getting to see my two littlest guys even for 25 minutes mid-day. It has also been nice not having to pack a lunch.
- Sitting! Around 6 months, he started being able to sit on his own for a few seconds here and there when he was occupied with something in front of him. He can now sit and play with toys for a bit longer periods without toppling over or getting fussy. He still loves to jump in the jolly jumper and to go in his exersaucer. He loves touching, grabbing, and holding just about everything.
- A mega drooler. I keep expecting to see a tooth any day but both of his brothers were late to get teeth so they could not show up for a while. He constantly has his right hand in his mouth sucking his fist. I've been trying to get him to use a teething toy since his little hand is getting a rash from all the sucking.
- Back to sleeping for about 10-12 hours at night. We put him down around the same time as his brothers at 7pm. Then I wake him to nurse before I go to bed around 10pm and he'll sleep until about 6am.

This boy!

Couldn't contain his excitement his first time having veggies - banged his tray excitedly between bites

I'm finally feeling 100% like my old self physically and mentally. Physically, I actually feel stronger than I have since before having kids. Skating for just an hour and a half once a week has made a big difference in how I feel.  I still cringe when things touch my abdomen but not because it hurts, just because it still seems tender or extra sensitive to touch. Sleeping through the night I think has been a huge factor in why this time around I'm feeling much happier and am able to cope with stressful situations. I also think having a job I love, feeling secure financially, and rather than giving up the things I enjoy doing, actually making the time to do them (like skating and volunteering) has made the work/life/family balance and settling into life as a family of five much easier than each of the last times we expanded our family.

Recently, I bit the bullet and spent just under $300 at the used clothing store and mall. I bought mostly active wear and business attire, and a pair of black pumps for work. Up until this point, I was wearing many of the pieces I'd bought pre-kids along with a few I had bought in between pregnancies. Most of my wardrobe in general is well-worn and I haven't been feeling particularly attractive in my clothes lately since my body went through so many changes with all 3 pregnancies and I wore the same clothes while nursing and through about half of my pregnancies so they are stretched in some places and don't fit the nicest. Eventually I hope to replace most of my wardrobe but at this point I'm still nursing so I'm going to try to make due for now with my few new pieces. I hate looking or feeling frumpy!

Keeping our cable package and screen time.

For years I've been pushing to get rid of cable TV. Mainly to save money but also to cut screen time.

There is a whole body of literature on the effects of television and screen time on health, wellbeing, etc. Especially when it comes to children. I won't get into that here but when B was a baby, I tried hard to limit screen time - even passive screen time. I'll admit now that I was a bit on the extreme side. I would get agitated when R would watch TV with B in the same room. With N we took a far more relaxed approach since B was starting to watch some educational programming and it was difficult to let one watch and not the other. As a child I spent hours in front of the television each day and so did R. We also grew up with multiple video game systems, and the beginning of personal computers and the internet. Our parents never seemed concerned about screen time but then again we also spent a ton of time playing outside.

We don't have strict rules around screen time in our house. We have two TVs. One in our bedroom is rarely used. We have an older PS3 which we mostly use to play movies from an external hard drive. We own a few kid-friendly video games for the PS3 but they aren't often played.
The boys each have older model Nintendo DS systems. One was dropped in a bucket of mop water and didn't turn on so we bought a replacement the next year as a Christmas gift. However, the broken system dried out and magically worked again. These mostly get used for the cameras and sometimes the odd game on a long car ride.  We also have a Leap Pad (also a Christmas gift) with some educational games which N will sit and play with on occasion.

Given the opportunity, my kids would rather go outside and play than sit in front of a screen but the option has been there either way. It's funny though because I notice a big difference between my two oldest boys. B isn't much of a TV watcher and craves constant social interaction. N will happily sit down to watch TV. He'll call out answers when watching one of his favourite shows, Team Umizoomi, and I'll often hear him reenacting scenes with scenarios and/or characters from a TV show in independent play.

So..we've decided to keep cable. I'm a big fan of living life with intention and I'm glad we're making an intentional decision to choose to invest in cable. R enjoys coming home from work and watching TV to unwind after working hard outside all day long. Just like I enjoy reading blogs or connecting with friends on social media. Cutting cable wouldn't really affect me at all since I rarely watch but it is a pastime the rest of my family enjoys.  I find now that I actually like coming home and seeing the boys completely into programs like Shark Week on Discovery Channel or How It's Made. I love hearing them ask all sorts of questions about the shows they've watched. Retrospectively, I think the TV was a fantastic educational tool for me growing up. I remember watching Sesame Street at my baby sitters house and the Magic School Bus. When I got a bit older, I learned many life lessons watching shows like Full House or the Fresh Prince of Bel Air. I hope that our family can benefit from having cable TV while avoiding the trap of sedentary life style, etc. If we see the scale start to tip then we'll have to reassess.

I'm curious how others feel about television and screen time and whether you always felt the same way. Do you have cable? Any rules around TV in your house?

Breakfasts and breakfast dinners

In our house sometimes we have breakfast food for breakfast and sometimes we have breakfast food for dinner. Sometimes even for lunch.

Some time ago.. I used to be pretty high strung and particular. I let a lot of little silly things bother me like when my stuff broke or things didn't go my way. I'd dwell on it. After the first baby came along, I found my attitude dramatically changed. At first, I was very into instructing DH on the particulars of how to care for the baby. We'd both get frustrated. I'd commiserate with friends of mine who were just like me.  They would declare that their husbands too weren't hard wired the same for looking after the house or kids and just couldn't do things the way they did it. I started to notice a pattern after a bit. While I was still having the same arguments with my own husband, complaints from others dwindled. My friends had thrown in the towel and decided to just take on all the "work" themselves. I had to make one of two decisions.. follow suit and stop complaining or just stop complaining.

I opted for the second choice. No way did I want to have to cook the meals every night just because DH isn't as creative as I am in the meal department or do all the laundry because I think that I fold more neatly. Nor did I want to have to put the toddler and the baby to bed just because the toddler liked my bedtime routine of 2 books better than DH's 1 book (he's not a reader). It was taking so much effort to micromanage that I was miserable even when the tasks were getting done in the way I wanted them to. I was resentful that I was doing the majority of the "work" while DH got to have "fun" with the kids. I don't love cleaning.  I don't love doing everyones laundry on my weekends off. And I don't particularly like coming home to hungry kids after work and starting dinner late just because I like the way I make a meal. So... I let DH do half of it and I don't complain if we have to eat grilled cheese and pizza because it is his night to cook or the laundry isn't perfectly folded. I just shut up because at least I didn't have to do it and in the end, everyone is happy, healthy, and safe. Bonus: my new motherhood "meh!" attitude has meant that I no longer have many complaints at all when the girls complain about the tolls of being an overworked mother and wife. DH and I split most of the household tasks pretty evenly these days (lately he has been doing more with the house and the kids because of my schoolwork) but only because I let him do things and don't complain about it.

Also, being more easygoing has meant that I tend to see the humour or the bright side of things a lot more. Imagine my surprise the other night when I mentioned I wasn't feeling well and DH offered to pick up groceries if I gave him the list. I was so happy with a) the offer and b) when he told me that he had picked everything up on the list and then some for less than the budget I given him. Of course letting go a little bit means that on a Sunday night when you're preparing the ingredients for quiche and realize that you don't have pie shells because it turns out DH didn't get EVERYTHING on the list then you might need to get a little more creative. We just made loaded scrambled eggs and grilled cheese with bacon and avocado instead. The boys probably liked it better than the quiche anyway.

 After going through a big phase of decluttering and getting rid of unnecessary small kitchen appliances, I was a bit disheartened to end up with a waffle maker in our family Christmas swap. But you know the old saying, if life hands you lemons make lemonade. Life handed us a waffle maker so waffles we made. This particular waffle maker came with sticks so you could make waffle sticks for dipping (pictured above). It wasn't too much of a pain to clean and I just used the store bought Presidents Choice Organic Pancake Mix. Looks like a much healthier alternative to the store bought freezer waffles the boys have been eating lately. I could even make a double batch on weekends and freeze the waffles to make our very own toaster waffles.

Friendly parks - the exception to the rule

I've been very lucky with the parks in our neighbourhood. At our last house, we took B to the park often (where the photo above was taken). At this park a bunch of moms/grandparents/daycare providers brought their children on the regular. We could count on seeing the same few groups of kids and guardians. Quickly we learned to bring snacks, chalk, toys, and sand toys to the park. The environment here was very welcoming. People shared toys and snacks and adults conversed while the children played. When we moved last summer, we were sad to leave that park but quite happy to find that our new park is much the same. Not unlike our old park, there are a variety of care providers and children of different ages at the park. But in our new neighbourhood, the school bus picks up and drops off children at the park. Often we see the same children spending time at the park after school before heading home for dinner. Unfortunately my park going experience seems to be the exception rather than the rule from what I hear from other moms.

Fellow mom blogger Mo from Not a Coupon Queen wrote a wonderfully authentic guest post over at Oshawa Mom Space on her negative experience and park etiquette. Check it out and weigh in!

On values - sharing your own and respecting others

This weekend brought with it a valuable life lesson for B - and for myself. On Saturday I took him to a classmate's birthday party. Long story short, when they sat down to eat pizza, his friend remarked "pepperoni is bad for you" in relation to B's pizza choice. B, who had never heard this before, called out to me, "Mom, friend (who shall remain nameless) says pepperoni is bad for me". My first inkling was to say - your friend is right. However, most of the other kids at the table were also eating pepperoni pizza and I didn't want to cause widespread alarm among the children or even worse, offend the parents of the birthday girl who had dared to serve this "unhealthy" choice - which in all honesty, they probably hadn't given much thought to since pepperoni pizza is pretty much a customary kids party food along with other things like (gasp!) hot dogs. So stuck in a hard place, I said... "well...." and at this point the friend interrupted and assured me that "Yes it is bad for you. My mom says it is." So I offered up the best response I could think of at the time:

"It is okay to have a little bit once in awhile..for B...but whatever your mom says is what is right for you."

So this weekend we learned the lesson that different households have different values and rules and that pepperoni isn't a healthy meat choice but in our family we think it is okay to have once in awhile.

At this point, I feel compelled to say that we don't eat a ton of meat at our house and I do tend to avoid processed foods. We don't have sugar-laden treats often or salty snacks or any other kids convenience foods in our house and this was something that I felt really good about (up until yesterday when another mom showed me up for letting my kid eat pepperoni) since there is so much pressure on parents to buy these foods and lets face it, it is so much easier to pull out a granola bar, fruit snacks, fruit cup etc. than to make up a plate of crackers and hummus or cut up fruit. I didn't actually allow B pepperoni on his pizza until he was about 2 1/2. Up until then, he always got veggie pizza. But when he started to take an interest in eating what other people were eating, I did what felt right to me and loosened up and allowed it. What is the balance between being too strict and having your kids eventually resent this and possibly rebel and the alternative of being too lax and not providing a good nutritional base for your child? I thought I had this balance pretty much in check. But when I thought about it, this issue goes far beyond merely addressing food choices. The primary goal of Montessori is to foster independence but is independence being fostered to a flaw when children are being taught to aggressively pursue their own (read - their parents) views and be critical of others? Furthermore, is independence being encouraged with stricter parental controls being in place?

Letting go..a little

Usually I feel the need to give B reminders such as "don't forget to stop before the next street" when he is outside. He always does. Yesterday I nearly had a heart attack when he unmounted his bike and ran toward the road. I shouted out, only to realize that he wasn't heading for the road at all but was interested in a leaf nearby on the boulevard.

On that chilly walk, I realized perhaps I am overdoing it just a touch with the constant safety/rules commentary and that I might be infringing on his innocent and exploratory nature which I want him to hang onto for a long time. Maybe I should scale back ever so slightly to offering comments only in the face of imminent danger. Someone with five grown children recently gave me some sound parenting advice - it was to save the "No" for when you really need to use it. Some days I feel like all I am saying is "No" or "Don't". I think I'll try to keep this advice in the back of my head and work harder at creating an environment where I do not have to focus on the negative. My baby isn't such a baby anymore. Might I add, he made us wait 5 minutes to cross a road until no cars were coming. We had plenty of opportunities to cross but he put it off just long enough until another car would appear.

 

Besides, I can find comfort in knowing we don't have to worry as much about others for awhile  :)

When Birthday Parties Become Larger Than Life

Yesterday afternoon I took B to his first birthday party he had been invited to by a classmate. Pretty exciting, right?

This party was BIG. The parents had gone all out. Afterwards I estimated that the party likely cost upward of $500 for 2 hours of fun. The whole class and some parents (of younger kids including myself) were in attendance. The decor was of course superhero themed with licensed characters galore. This was actually the second "larger than life" party we have attended. Aside from the monetary cost of the party, what really bothered me was the following...

- Even if we try really hard to limit the exposure of our own children to licensed characters (a whole other post for another day) they will inevitably learn of these characters through classmates. B goes to a Montessori school and while the learning environment doesn't support these types of characters i.e. children are not allowed to bring toys from home etc. I have found that most other parents do not practice the Montessori method in the home. We now run the risk of our kid having the "lame" party with no superheros.

- Extravagant parties set a precedent for the birthday child who is receiving these type of parties but also for the other children and parents attending the parties. They "set the bar" so to speak, for subsequent birthday parties. Que massive anxiety attack.

- While parties used to be centred around the birthday child, aside from seeing this child blow out the candles and receive the first piece of cake, there was very little indication of the significance of the event to the birthday child. This could've been due to the size of the party....which brings me to..

- The size of the party... the fact that everyone in the class was invited was odd to me. Growing up, for my friends and myself, birthday parties were only ever limited to close friends. Surely the birthday child was not close friends with all 20 of the children in the class. I realize now-a-days parents are so concerned with children feeling left out. But in speaking with my mother about the party afterwards, she mentioned that an integral part of growing up for us was learning to accept that we cannot always be invited to everything.

- Gifts. It is extremely hard to find anything that even looks like a substantial gift - which is important for keeping up with the Joneses in the birthday department - these days for under $30. Not to mention the fact that a lot of these kids with the extravagant parties have every toy imaginable already. Furthermore, how do you pick out a gift for a child that both yourself and your child, if they aren't really close friends with the birthday child or are still quite young, do not REALLY know very well? (not usually a problem with parties limited to close friends only). But what really bothers me is that at both said party and other party of similar magnitude, gifts were not opened in front of the party guests. This means that the birthday child does not have to thank each child for their gift, appreciate the thought put into gifts by close friends, and of course learn how to appropriately handle situations where say..they receive something they already have or is a duplicate of another gift. For this birthday, B wanted to make his friend a card. He worked really hard at this card and I assured him that his friend would love it and appreciate his hard work. Unfortunately we'll never know..we'll also never know if the card got mixed up and placed with another gift by mistake or lost all together, something that could easily be identified if the opening took place in front of the guests.

There is so much more I'd like to say on this but for now...

End rant.

On My Own

Firstly, let me say I have the utmost respect for single parents. I couldn't imagine raising children on my own day in and day out. Sometimes when things get tough I need a little break and that is when DH is there to step in or vice versa... also when I'm on the verge of caving after long battles with B, he is there to reinforce me and remind me not to give in and that things will get easier in the long run. Furthermore, in my experience... sometimes all it takes is a different person saying the same thing to get through to a toddler - as frustrating as that can be.

That being said, DH is gone for the week so I am going at it alone this week. Although the days are long and I miss the companionship (and sometimes relief), it feels really good at the end of the day knowing that I am capable of watching my two precious boys on my own. It also presents a challenge to find a new rhythm, make time for both kids instead of relying on the usual divide and conquer routine (a luxury that single parents can't take advantage of), and find time to get my own schoolwork and housework done.

In short..I pretty much feel like superwoman!

Third Trimester Musings - or Woes

So I'm officially in my third trimester with this pregnancy.. time seems to be going slowly and quickly all at the same time if that makes any sense. I am around 30 1/2 weeks now.

This time around I am feeling so much bigger than I did with B..even though I have gained the same amount of weight thus far. Small things like bending over are really starting to become tasks. Back ache presents itself toward the end of every day. Sleep at night is restless...between waking to use the washroom and waking to switch sides to alleviate sore hips. Heartburn..common these days. Now I know why they say second and subsequent pregnancies aren't the walk in the park the first one can often be. Much of this is commonly voiced among the other women I know who are currently pregnant with their second or third children...however rarely do these women discuss difficulties with their children or their husbands as if others will surely judge and that a woman on her second or subsequent pregnancy should be able to handle any situation at home she might have since she likely had a hand in deciding to have another baby.

Well although the physical part of being pregnant again has been somewhat uncomfortable to say the least, to be perfectly honest, to add to all this, the antics of an almost 3 year old are tiring, stressful, and just plain difficult much of the time. I find myself feeling awful about the sometimes strained relationship between me and B these days. It's not his fault but yet it isn't totally mine either with the hormones and growing body. He is a really spirited character. I find it really hard to keep him stimulated in his environment at home. When he is not stimulated he starts to cause trouble and demand attention and when he is pleasant to be around it takes much effort on my part to maintain the mood by constantly offering up new activities for him (usually us) to do that I really haven't had the energy for. It sometimes worries me about what the future might have in store once the baby is here and demands a lot of my time as well. However, even though I feel like 70% of my time spent with my little man these days is spent with me feeling frustrated and impatient (sometimes powerless and at my wits end) and him equally upset. The other 30% of the time is wonderful - with the laughs, morning cuddles, hugs and kisses, witty remarks on his end... these are the times I truely cherish with him and reaffirm that it is all worth it. I guess we have to take the bad with the good like in any meaningful relationship. They don't call it "terrible twos" for nothing but it is called "terrible twos" for a reason.. because it is a phase which means like all phases it will eventually be outgrown.

Children, Environment, and Allergies

One Toronto Star Article in particular caught my attention today. This one indicates that a British Study found higher rates of peanut allergies in boys among more affluent families.

The article states that, "“Fussy parents” – parents who shield their children from all potential allergens in a hyper-clean environment from before birth – could be one explanation for the higher rate in more affluent homes".

Not sure how I feel about this hypothesis. Our family would definitely be considered to be among the middle class and despite recommendations to hold off on offering peanuts until the age of 3, we still introduced peanuts to our son earlier. However, we were careful to offer small amounts initially and monitor to determine whether or not there were any adverse effects. I am sometimes sad that the old "staple" peanut butter sandwich or peanut butter and crackers are no longer allowed in schools. That being said, I have become extremely sensitive to many foods since cutting them out of my diet initially for an elimination/reintroduction phase. Foods that previously did not bother me, now in some cases invoke a mild anaphylactic reaction which is somewhat remediated by anti-histamines. Maybe there is something to the hypothesis of the "fussy parent".

Talking to Strangers

I came across the following retweet on Twitter this morning - a link to an article about encouraging your kids to talk to strangers rather than avoid them.

This immediately conjured up thoughts on a recent outing to the park my sister had with B. Long story short, my sister was chatting with another woman at the park and when it was time to leave, B marched over and gave the woman a hug. The woman proceeded to say "You should be careful who you hug".

I can't tell you how much this statement angered me. We try to teach B to befriend new children and people and to make his own judgement calls. Children are so naturally intuitive - chances are if mum is wary of another adult, the child will feel and mimick that wariness. We want him to know it is okay to trust other adults, especially those we deem as safe and subsequently engage in meaningful conversation with. I absolutely agree with this article.

He's just THAT Kid

I think after ohh about a year and a half I have come to terms with the fact that I am raising "THAT kid".. you know..

The one...

That can't resist jumping in every muddy puddle when given a chance.

That sticks his hands in butter and tries to drink massage oil when I'm not looking.

Who runs away in stores just about the time when mom has to pay the cashiers - and giggles his head off when I catch up to him.

That would rather eat all the strawberries and raspberries and "pick" rocks for his basket instead.

Who still wants to play on the playground even though he got his clothes and shoes all covered in sand and lake water and therefore had to play in a *borrowed* diaper (thank you prepared mom at the beach!), soaked running shoes and a hat on the busiest playground in town.

Who takes all his clothes and diaper off at potty time while the other daycare teachers are helping other children and declares proudly, "This is my penis!"

That throws a full blown tantrum every time we have to come inside from playing outside.


To clarify.. I don't think it has anything to do with my parenting skills or style. Often I find other parents saying "you sure have your hands full". I know at certain times I've felt green with envy at those parents that seem to have it easy with children that are quite content amusing themselves quietly and never seem to get into trouble. The truth is, I'm happy with who Brendan has become. I'm glad he's confident, outgoing, and not afraid to try new things and see what reactions he can elicit. I know he is learning valuable lessons about cause and effect and testing out boundaries. He effectively keeps me on my toes and teaches me so many new things every day. He also strengthens the bond in our family through laughter and honesty. I can't wait to see what another child will bring to our little family. Part of leading a more stress-free life is learning to accept the hand that you've been dealt. I'm feeling pretty content with all aspects of my life right now and so we enter the "premester". We were trying for another baby awhile back and decided to put it on hold when I got my part-time contract job. Timing was not right. Now it seems like a much better fit. We will begin trying for baby #2 in August.

Parenting styles and an update

While pregnant with little B, I thought a lot about what kind of parent I would like to be. Ryan and I spoke often about how we wanted to raise our children. In many ways (not all) we have very similar philosophies which is good - as we are more effective that way as a "unit" or team. Many times I am amazed at how we both have the same opinions on the effectiveness or often INeffectiveness when seeing examples of various other parenting styles be it though other friends, family or even complete strangers. But who are we really to be critical? I think it is a natural to compare yourself to others.

We often hear the saying, "no two children are alike". Although I have not experienced parenting more than one child, I would imagine for parents who have two completely opposite children, the adaptation must be extremely challenging as we are so used to learning by experience and therefore as a creature of habit tend to base our actions on past successes. In the case of parenting more than one, the tried and true may not infact be tried and true with each different child.

The other week I was offered the opportunity to interview for a series of articles on moms with different parenting styles on urbanmoms.ca by another mom I met though a local mom and baby group. She just posted it today! Check it out if you want!

I have found myself on more than one occasion joking that the next child I have will not be nearly as busy as the one I've got now but WHO KNOWS

At 21 months my little man is:

- An outdoor enthusiast collecting sticks and pine cones at the park, wanting to walk the dog and always protesting coming inside - even in the most bitter of cold weather

- A climber. Anything he can get himself up onto is game.

- A jumper. This goes along with climbing. Jumping off anything is the latest activity of choice. I tried to make him a fort with chairs and blankets and he took it as an opportunity to climb the chair and jump off onto the couch pillows

- A leader and an activist - he is never shy to stand up for what he believes in and is very assertive with his "no"s and "mummy, come". Also, anything out of reach is a challenge he's up for. He'll push around various items as stepping stools to reach items of desire.

- An independent spirit - this kid is not afraid of anything or anyone. As most kids will run after their parents if they think they are being left alone, this one marches off in the other direction without the slightest look over his shoulder. He loves saying Hi to strangers.

- And most recently a potty/toilet user..most of the time!

He is also... sweet, loving and kind

- He loves to help with cleaning, baking and running items between mom and dad

- He often says "love you!" when we are putting him to bed or when I am leaving to go somewhere.

- He'll give kisses. But not too often. This makes them more special :)

- He's also hard to stay mad at as he now agrees with us when we tell him he did something wrong. Smart cookie!