Prior to finding out the sex of our third - and very likely final - addition to our family, I found myself in a panic last week and frantically texting DH one day. I was feeling hormonal and thought I might be disappointed with whatever the outcome was whether it was a girl or a boy.
I always knew I wanted kids. In my daydreams about what my family would be like in the future whether the children were boys or girls never formed part of my thoughts. No expectations there. Just that we'd have a big family (3 seemed like a good number).
When I was pregnant with B I was confident I was having a girl - mother's intuition. I had dreams about having a daughter and all my symptoms according to old wives tales pointed to girl so when I found out he was a boy I was really surprised. The happiness didn't come immediately. It took a few moments for me to wrap my head around a new image of what my family was going to look like but we were over the moon never the less. I remember thinking strangely to myself well.. I'll never know what it is like to have a family of all daughters or at least a family with a daughter as the oldest sibling.
With N, I had no guesses or inklings. Probably as a result of being wrong the first time around. DH thought for sure it was a girl. When we found out he was a boy I didn't feel surprised (I know DH was) but did feel excited and happy. A little brother for B. There was something special about the cohesiveness of having two little boys. I did think to myself well we'll never be the "nuclear" family of a boy and a girl. Or be a family with more daughters than sons since we had only really talked about maybe having one more child after this one.
This time around, everything felt very final so I was worried about feeling disappointed if it turned out to be a boy because I might feel sad that we'll likely never have the experience of having a girl. At the same time I was also worried about feeling disappointed if it was a girl because I'd never get to use those cute little boy sleepers, etc. again that I had such memories of with my two boys and I really do love having two little boys. I also worried about how having another baby, boy or girl, might change the dynamic of our family. We are so blessed that B and N really do get along well and love each other very much. What would throwing another child into the mix do to their relationship? DH assured me I was over thinking everything.
I can honestly say, there were no feelings of disappointment when we found out we will be having a boy! The boys were excited, especially B. I guess our family was meant to have 3 boys and it seems right for us!
2 comments:
huge congratulations.
i did mourn not having a girl, i had to grief the idea that i would never have a daughter. i must say it is something i never think about anymore since having scout, my third boy. i am completely loving having another boy, i feel so at ease with it.
these are the little people we are meant to live our lives with, boy or girl, doesn't matter.
xx
Thanks Kristi. Perhaps I will be sad as well at some point. That said, I'm trying really hard not to dwell on what I don't have and to focus more on celebrating what I do have which is so so much! I totally agree that we get the little people we were meant to live our lives with. I thought a lot about that in the context of miscarriage (I've had a couple) and I always think - if things would've worked out differently those times I wouldn't have the boys I know and love so much now. I think I'll feel the same way once this third boy comes along.
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