Saturday, February 22, 2014
Milestone reached! I've officially made it past 32 weeks and am in the clear for delivering at our local hospital. I think I'm finally almost rid of the last of the head cold that has been plaguing me for the past two weeks. Unfortunately, now the boys both seem to be sick with coughs.
At 33 weeks I'm feeling pretty large and uncomfortable (despite people telling me I look small). I've got the pregnancy waddle down pat now. Sleeping has also taken a turn for the worst. I generally go to bed by 8pm to account for all the times I get up through the night. Last night was particularly bad. I woke up every 1-2 hours before moving downstairs to finish the night on the couch which seemed more comfortable. I also have to be conscious to stay on my left side or rather off my right side or flat on my back due to an issue with my right kidney. Typically in other pregnancies at this point I would've woken up just enough to stretch my sore leg and out and roll over.
Baby seems to have turned head down and stayed there. Which is really good news. Though there is always the chance he'll flip back around. I forgot what a funny feeling baby hiccups were and what it feels like when the baby pushes up against one side. Movements have slowed down at this point but most of the movements now feel jarring and if I feel my belly I can feel a limb through the skin when that happens. N asks me often, "where's your baby?" and when I reply in my belly he looks surprised every time. B is really excited and seems to understand everything for the most part.
Emotionally, it feels very real that this baby will soon be here. I'd be very surprised if baby held off until his due date in early April which means he will likely be born sometime next month. Some things have been weighing on my mind... like labour fear. Having had the experience of delivering both with the epidural and without, there is no denying that without was more painful. But at the same time, the pain was fairly short lived and the recovery seemed much easier. There was no IV or catheter; no worrying about potential side effects like paralysis, chronic headaches, prolonged labour and increased risk of cesarian, or lethargic baby; no waiting for the freezing to wear off, no required 24 hour hospital stay. I could also feel the effectiveness of pushing without the medication and only ended up with a hairline tear vs. a much worse tear when I had the epidural with B (who was 2lbs smaller!). But still I worry about complications arising and being without pain medication if interventions are needed like forceps, episiotomy (if the doctor takes over), or tearing that requires stitches. This is also coupled with the fear that my labours are generally very quick and even if I needed or decided I wanted pain relief there is a good chance I wouldn't be able to get it. I had a long conversation with R about my feelings. He's supportive of whatever I decide to do of course but ultimately only I can make that decision for myself. I'm still leaning toward going without the medication again. Keep your fingers crossed for a smooth labour and delivery for me!
I've been feeling sad about the thought of leaving work too. I love my job and the people I work with and since I am on a contract, I don't have a guaranteed job to come back to. Job searching again feels so daunting. Being a mother is definitely a very fulfilling and rewarding job and I love spending time with my kids but there is definitely a gap when I am not working or when I put my own passions to the side. Luckily, I volunteer with a couple of different groups/organizations so I am hoping I can ramp up my involvement there and I'm trying to keep a positive outlook that if I don't end up going back to my current job that a much better prospect will come up.
Our nursery is finally painted, furniture put back together and scrubbed cleaned (post to come soon!). Just waiting on the finishing touches - some decor - and to be loaded back up with the baby stuff from the basement. Now if we can get it together to finalize our short list of baby names we'll be prepared. Having a third boy definitely makes choosing a name more difficult!