Breakfasts and breakfast dinners

In our house sometimes we have breakfast food for breakfast and sometimes we have breakfast food for dinner. Sometimes even for lunch.

Some time ago.. I used to be pretty high strung and particular. I let a lot of little silly things bother me like when my stuff broke or things didn't go my way. I'd dwell on it. After the first baby came along, I found my attitude dramatically changed. At first, I was very into instructing DH on the particulars of how to care for the baby. We'd both get frustrated. I'd commiserate with friends of mine who were just like me.  They would declare that their husbands too weren't hard wired the same for looking after the house or kids and just couldn't do things the way they did it. I started to notice a pattern after a bit. While I was still having the same arguments with my own husband, complaints from others dwindled. My friends had thrown in the towel and decided to just take on all the "work" themselves. I had to make one of two decisions.. follow suit and stop complaining or just stop complaining.

I opted for the second choice. No way did I want to have to cook the meals every night just because DH isn't as creative as I am in the meal department or do all the laundry because I think that I fold more neatly. Nor did I want to have to put the toddler and the baby to bed just because the toddler liked my bedtime routine of 2 books better than DH's 1 book (he's not a reader). It was taking so much effort to micromanage that I was miserable even when the tasks were getting done in the way I wanted them to. I was resentful that I was doing the majority of the "work" while DH got to have "fun" with the kids. I don't love cleaning.  I don't love doing everyones laundry on my weekends off. And I don't particularly like coming home to hungry kids after work and starting dinner late just because I like the way I make a meal. So... I let DH do half of it and I don't complain if we have to eat grilled cheese and pizza because it is his night to cook or the laundry isn't perfectly folded. I just shut up because at least I didn't have to do it and in the end, everyone is happy, healthy, and safe. Bonus: my new motherhood "meh!" attitude has meant that I no longer have many complaints at all when the girls complain about the tolls of being an overworked mother and wife. DH and I split most of the household tasks pretty evenly these days (lately he has been doing more with the house and the kids because of my schoolwork) but only because I let him do things and don't complain about it.

Also, being more easygoing has meant that I tend to see the humour or the bright side of things a lot more. Imagine my surprise the other night when I mentioned I wasn't feeling well and DH offered to pick up groceries if I gave him the list. I was so happy with a) the offer and b) when he told me that he had picked everything up on the list and then some for less than the budget I given him. Of course letting go a little bit means that on a Sunday night when you're preparing the ingredients for quiche and realize that you don't have pie shells because it turns out DH didn't get EVERYTHING on the list then you might need to get a little more creative. We just made loaded scrambled eggs and grilled cheese with bacon and avocado instead. The boys probably liked it better than the quiche anyway.

 After going through a big phase of decluttering and getting rid of unnecessary small kitchen appliances, I was a bit disheartened to end up with a waffle maker in our family Christmas swap. But you know the old saying, if life hands you lemons make lemonade. Life handed us a waffle maker so waffles we made. This particular waffle maker came with sticks so you could make waffle sticks for dipping (pictured above). It wasn't too much of a pain to clean and I just used the store bought Presidents Choice Organic Pancake Mix. Looks like a much healthier alternative to the store bought freezer waffles the boys have been eating lately. I could even make a double batch on weekends and freeze the waffles to make our very own toaster waffles.

The Week of the Friend

A couple weeks ago, elbow deep in my latest read, I got sentimental and thought about my good friend S and our escapades at the beach when we were teenagers. One afternoon while we were tossing a frisbee back and forth at the beach, we saw a couple of guys in their late twenties/early thirties (back then that was old) having their own frisbee toss. They were really going hard. After a few retrieved frisbees from both parties, we agreed to play together. We had a great time and coincidentally met up with these guys on a couple of other occasions in the same spot and played again. I half jokingly sent S a text that we should go to the lake and play some frisbee for old times sake.  While we never made it to the beach, we did hang out last Monday night on the deck in my backyard (without kids) and talk about how much things have changed since the good old days.. and then drove to get coffee and decided on the fly to catch a movie (The Campaign) - very much like old times. S assured me that I would be home by 11 since I was hesitant at staying out late on a "work night". Yep..the more things change, the more they stay the same.

On Thursday, I met up with one of my lifer friends for dinner after work in the city. Our parents met in pre-natal class so she truly is a lifer friend. We went for fabulous greek food on the Danforth.

Earlier during the day on Monday, I received a text from my university roommate, M. M was following up on dinner plans we have been trying to make for nearly 6 months with a few gals from university. We haven't had much luck with since we can't seem to coordinate around all of our schedules. She suggested that coming weekend. Doubtful, I checked with our friend A and she checked with our other friend S and success! I guess all it took was some last minute planning. Another friend was also able to make it so the 5 of us gals went and had dinner in the Beaches. There was also a certain pie place we were dying to try for dessert. However, when we finally made it back there they were closed 5 minutes early. So we stood on the sidewalk in front trying to decide what to do next while staring in the front window of the shop like a bunch of creepers and after making some attempts to get the storekeeper to open up shop for us, begrudgingly settled on frozen yogurt instead - which sadly I couldn't partake in.

Though 3 nights out in one week was a bit much, I'm glad I was able to make time to hang out with some great girlfriends. I also don't feel so bad since I'll be single parenting it for the next 10 days. But I've also managed to arrange a night in with the bestie who is back in town from out West for a wedding. Wish me luck with my solo parenting gig!

Book Review: MWF Seeking BFF

After reading Kelsey’s review of MWF Seeking BFF by Rachel Bertsche, I jumped on the bandwagon, and checked it out from my local library. I haven’t read for pleasure in a few months and it felt good. It was very much along the lines of one of my other favourite reads this year; Gretchen Rubin’s the Happiness Project .

Parts of this book made me laugh – sometimes really hard - but mostly I felt I could relate to a lot of what the author was writing and I loved the tidbits of research interwoven with the story-telling because I'm nerdy like that. Unlike Bertsche, I am not new to my city. I have spent most of my life in this area. But I am in a different life phase from many of my childhood, teenage, university, and post-graduate friends since I am married with two kids.  Consequently, while I have remained close with some friends, I have understandably drifted apart from others.

Some of my takeaways from this book:

Friendships take a lot of time and this I already knew. Follow-up is a key part of being a good friend and maintaining friendships. 

Interestingly, I wrote on maintaining relationships with family and friends earlier this year. However, I’ve been working so hard on maintaining relationships with my childless friends, since we lack the common experience of family life to draw us together, that I have not focused as much attention on fostering new friendships or maintaining friendships with people who have children. I need to do more of this! Most of my mommy friends are mainly bloggy online friends or those who I tend to keep in touch with online rather than in the flesh. The bonus to maintaining and building on these relationships is that my children are welcome accompaniments to get togethers. Being a busy working mom, meetings that satisfy multiple purposes with friends/family/children are most welcome since I have less time overall to spend with family and friends.

I should stop trying to nag encourage my husband to seek out new friends. He likely has enough friends already and doesn’t need the face-to-face kind of friendships I do as a woman, but rather the side-to-side activity buddy type. He works all day along-side guys he has come to think of as friends. He even travels to and from work with some of these guys. When he does do things with friends outside of work, the plans usually revolve around an activity like golfing, wakeboarding, or playdates – yes, I am slightly embarrassed to say that in the past year my husband has arranged more playdates with his friends and their kids than I have. Just more proof that I have to up the ante in that area! 

Committing to maintaining relationships.

Being in school and having various volunteer commitments makes me sometimes rather busy. R also works a lot of overtime, taking it when he can get it since it is never a sure thing. Often my activities take place in the evenings. This means that R and I do a trade off with the kids. Some days we see very little of eachother.  It can be hard with our busyish lifestyle to stop and consciously make time to do things all together as a family but it is something that I think is so so important. Same goes for the other important relationships. Couple time is also important since our marriage is the foundation of our family. Although I do think that the family should always be a first priority. Friends are also invaluable and it is incredibly important to make time and nurture these relationships as they can fade to a degree when put on the back burner.

I’ve been trying to put in place some measures to ensure that I am making a commitment to maintain ALL, not just some of the relationships in my life. I think a lot of onus is on the woman in the household to “keep the family together”. Not saying it is warranted… but the pressure is still there none-the-less. Here is what has been working for me.

Family

This past weekend we went out for an hour around the block. B on his battery powered ATV (a kijiji find!), me on my rollerblades, R on the bike and N in tow in the bicycle trailer. It was good fun. At least once on a weekend we try to do something all together. We also make an effort to be home more nights/week than out. This means no more than 3 nights out in a week (cumulatively for everyone). I think I will keep this balance in mind when the boys get a little older and want to do activities in the evenings. This may mean that as our family gets busier I will have to cut back personally on my evening commitments. I am okay with this.  

Wife

At least one night/week R and I try to watch a movie after the kids go to bed (sometimes we have to cut it short since we tend to get tired). We also text throughout the day and hug and kiss hello and goodbye. Once a month, we try to get out for a date night.

Friend

I love my friends. God forbid something were to happen to my family, I know I would still have a family of friends. One of my very best friends lives in Edmonton now. I try to skype with her or call her once every week or two. One of my other best friends has kids and so we try to get together for play dates to catch up. I also enjoy getting out with my other kidless friends for a nice dinner or to go to an event. Recently I went to dinner in Toronto with 2 of my good girlfriends from university. It is sometimes nice to not always be talking about the kids (since they don’t have any to talk about) and to do adult things. I try to get out with friends sans kiddos at least once/month. I also love Facebook since I can keep updated and in communication with friends that I don’t get to see as often.

What do others do to maintain the important relationships in their life?

Finding an equitable balance in the home

Man does this post from Feeding the Soil ever resonate with me. Finding an equitable balance in the home sure is tough, especially when one person is "working" in the home. In my particular situation, I have found the hubby is much more willing to take on a larger share of the domestic tasks when I am not at home 100% of the time. I have also learned that in order for me to avoid feelings of resentment towards domestic tasks/child rearing, I need to spend some time "working" - or in my case doing coursework - outside the home.

This is a topic that I'm always curious to hear about how others divide the tasks in their households. Do other women find that they end up doing the lion's share of the domestic chores as well as raising the children as SAHMs? Does being a SAHM mean working around the clock and always being on call for nighttime feedings, pee accidents, and middle of the night sickness episodes?

When DH and I got married we had to take a preparation course in order to get married in the church. We learned that the #1 cause of all fights in the household in marriages is over the division of household tasks. In this day and age where household roles are not so cut and dry along gender lines, running a household sure is complicated.